


need

by onthighsbelongtotaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8812198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthighsbelongtotaemin/pseuds/onthighsbelongtotaemin
Summary: "they are cheating on the ones they love because they are cheating on each other.  a lifetime of lies of omission have kept them in the arms of others & it’s not fair that they should be brought together by taeyeon’s fear."





	

“please don’t make me do this, tae.” his eyes are closed & he’s stopped shuffling, standing in front of her as her hips press into the wooden bench.

“please, jinki. i don’t want…” her hand pressed to his chest makes him look up at her & she bites her lips & watches his eyes. he knows what she’s saying & she hopes it’ll be enough.

“you’re asking me to…it’s not what you want.”

“yes, it is.”

“no, it’s not. it wouldn’t be me. not if he was here.” it was always you, she thinks. it was always me as well.

“you. i need you. please.”

“tae.” it’s a reluctant utterance of her name & as long as he keeps it diminutive they’ll be fine.

she offers to help, even begins to reach out but it only makes it worse. he closes his eyes & turns slightly away & she takes the opportunity to climb up on the bench. her weapon rests beside her & if things go wrong it won’t take much to take up arms. hope flitters around that they will be left uninterrupted. his rests at his feet, the barrel pointed at the ceiling.

he turns around & glances at her face before turning back down to her lap. he has to know by now that she’d planned this at least somewhat in advance. her underwear is shoved in her boot & her skirt sits mid-thigh & she waits because she’s never done this before & it was always him but she’s never said.

“will you kiss me?” regret seeps into her veins as her words breathe across her tongue but she’s needy & selfish & they might not see tomorrow. he nods & leans in, pressing their lips together & then pulling away. she shifts as she feels his fingers begin to stroke her & she wonders what he’s doing.

“do you think they’ll be so kind?” he stops & now he’s staring at her. she should have just let him.

“i’m not them.”

“i didn’t mean…” she bites her lips again & searches for words. none appear & so she leans in to kiss him, pull him closer by the neck & whisper “thank you” against his cheek. he nods & asks her if she’s sure & she nods & then suddenly he’s inside her.

she wishes she hadn’t now but she doesn’t want him to stop. there’s always a chance that they will escape all of this but the parameters surrounding their relationship have been so altered as to never allow anything as mundane as “normal” to exist between them again. he’s no longer her friend, he’s her first. he’s the man who fucked her on a table in an abandoned shed in an empty field in a country at war with itself, the distant sound of bombs a harmony to their breaths & moans & the jutting table.

they are cheating on the ones they love because they are cheating on each other. a lifetime of lies of omission have kept them in the arms of others & it’s not fair that they should be brought together by taeyeon’s fear.

her fingers clutch at his shoulders & her booted ankles are tied at his back as they move together & she stares at the ceiling until she can’t bear it anymore & closes her eyes to press her nose to his neck. he smells of sweat & strength, of musk & home & there’s so much about him that she loves & so little that she hates. regret pulses from her heart.

it takes three murmurs of his name to get him to meet her eyes & when he does she kisses him with every emotion she’s still capable of experiencing. their tongues touch & a moan burns in her chest at the sensation: it’s been a long time since she’s had anyone else in her mouth.

he brings her to orgasm with his strokes inside & out, fingertips dancing across sensitive nerves & it’s his name, it’s “jinki” she cries out when she comes. her name never leaves his lips.

he pulls away & spills across the dusty floor, away from her. her fingers run through her hair as she watches him fix his pants & gather his weapon, staring out at the shattered wall two beats too long to be anything but avoidance. in the silence another blast. she’d forgotten about the war outside.

“we should go. they seem to be getting closer.” nodding she pulls her underwear out of her boot & slips it on as she pushes herself back to her feet, grabbing her weapon & slinging it over her shoulder. the day is still bright & a new memory sits in her mind to analyze later & relive when needed.

the only hope she has is that jinki stretches his hand out to her & squeezes her palm before leading her into a world that is no longer theirs.


End file.
